Thursday, May 21

Big Rig

My husband is an extremely intelligent man. The depths of his knowledge of information that you really never thought you would need to know astounds me on a daily basis. Did you know, for example, that pine trees excrete some sort of "poison" around it's roots to prevent anything from growing directly around the base? No? Neither did I, until Russ so eloquently told me. When I first met him and we were in the throes of puppy love and adoring everything about each other this little quirk charmed the pants off me, quite literally. Three years later, however, it has become more tiresome than anything else. I would love to be able to drive past a field without knowing the history of both who created the field, every plant that dwells within that grassy little area, and how someday xyzblahroot may someday save my life.

Regardless, I love him. Through richer or poorer, through sickness and health, etc. etc. My point is Russ is very, very smart. About most things. In fact, in the 36 months we've been together, I've rarely seen him make what they call a "duh" moment. We've gone several months without one of these little oopsies-- on his part, at least. I make them on an hourly basis -- until this morning. My darling husband has been working his butt off for the past several months to try and get into a trucking school so he can get his CDL for as in order to drive them big fancy trucks and make his family some money. Personally, I do not see the appeal in this career and everytime I think about how much he would be gone I sort of want to cry. But this is one of his biggest dreams. Russ dreams of getting out and seeing the country and travelling with nothing tying him down (except his beautiful wife, of course). Doing this and getting paid at the same time would make Russ the equivalent of a kid in a candy store. Because of this I support him in his quest and smile and nod when he talks about how exciting it's going to be.

The biggest issue he is having getting into a trucking school is the money. Anywhere from two to six thousand dollars up front is a whole lot of dollars when your account is negative. How negative, I don't know, because I'm still too busy eating corn dogs. But! There is good news! He can apply for a grant which would just give him the bucketfuls of money as grants are so beautifully meant to do. So he's been going through the process filling out forms, digging through mountains of paperwork to prove that he's not a felon, spending hours in line at the DMV to get his driving record, and pretty much just holding his breath and crossing his fingers and toes. About a week ago Russ got an email inviting him to WorkPlace's big two hour workshop that will qualify him for the grant and tell him everything he needs to know. This morning he woke up like a kid on Christmas morning at the crack of dawn and did the manly bathroom things. Fresh as a daisy, smelling of cologne, and looking as sharp as ever he woke me up, kissed me goodbye, and told me to wish him luck.

Now seeing as he's unemployed and I rarely get time to myself, I popped out of bed as soon as the door clicked shut and relished in my me-time for a total of twenty minutes before I got a text message saying "There's no workshop today... I'm confused. Can you check my email and tell me when it is? It's from Elizabeth something or other." After scanning through the mountains of spam mail I finally found something that looked like an invitation to a work shop from a woman named Jennifer and opened it up. He had the day of the week and the time right. Thursday, 9am to 11am ... on June 11th. Considering the fact that he mistook "Jennifer" as "Elizabeth" I guess I could see how he managed to jump a whole two weeks in advance.

He's home now. My 45 minutes of mememe was fabulous, thank you so much for asking.

Wednesday, May 20


This seems to be the millionth second or third blog I've created for internet-land ... I always feel guilty for creating blogs only to leave them rotting in the land of forgotten after a maximum of five (5) posts because I either get
1) too lazy
b) too paranoid that someone I actually, like, know will read this crap (I love how important I pretend to be)
or III) ... I don't really have a third reason.

See?? I haven't even written ten sentences and I'm already bored with myself. This could end in tragedy. Regardless, I've been getting that oh-so-familiar itch to whine moan write so here I am. Again.

I guess I should begin how most good writers begin and introduce myself to an audience that doesn't actually exist yet. At least that way I know I am safe from judgement. Har dee har har.

The name's Sarah. My last name and the names of other parties in my life will probably remain secret because, again, I fear that somebody might actually read this drivel and discover I have some horrible dark secret- like the fact that I have a very, very deep love of corn dogs. I recently married a man who I have known was my soul mate since the day I met him. Let's just call him Russ. We live in a tiny little apartment with two - soon to be three, we hope- dogs and an array of fish, snails, and frogs. I work in customer care for Big Unnamed Company and I truly believe it is sucking the soul out of me on a daily basis. I hate it with a passion. The good news? My husband is currently unemployed because I don't know if y'all have noticed this or not but our economy pretty much blows big donkey chunks. Oh. Is that not usually considered good news? Crap. Ok. Well what about the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic and doing so extremely well I would totally buy him a pony as a present if he was into that sort of thing? Yeah. That falls under the "good news" category quite a bit better. As a couple we're terrible with money and are lucky to have $5 in our bank account at any given time. Right now? It's somewhere in the negative. From what Russ tells me this actually isn't our fault for once so I'm taking the mature approach by letting him deal with the bank while I eat corn dogs and avoid logging into our bank's website like the plague.

As for me, I enjoy things like double gulps from 7/11 filled to the brim with cherry vanilla cherry coke (not a mistype. Our local 7/11 has extra syrup you can put into the soda. That is flavored. And free. And have I mentioned local? As in... right across the street?) , camping, reading, being as obnoxious as I can to my husband just to see how he reacts, our dogs, ranch dressing, cheeseburgers, barbecuing, large stuffed animals, purses, corn dogs, and cell phones. I am not ashamed to admit the last three are bordering on a slight obsession. I consider it a productive trip to WalMart or Target if I do not leave with another unnecessary $15 purse. As we speak -- er, type -- I have over a thousand dollars worth of cell phones sitting in front of me. Granted, they're all paid for and have been for quite some time now but when I came home with the last one Russ turned a very strange shade of purple. So I'm trying very, very hard to stay away from Big Unnamed Companys website as well because their employee discount is just a little too tempting. If you're wondering-- the last one was a shiny new Blackberry. And oh how I love her. And yes, she is my fourth (4th) Blackberry. He just doesn't understand I needed this one because it was different and better and whinewhydontyoulovemeenoughicannevergetwhatiwantpleasedontbemadiloveyouuuuuu. I will never admit this to him but a part of me thinks he's a saint for putting up with me.